Another look at Matthew 10

My heart really wasn't into digging into applying MAtthew 10 yesterday. Its been on mind all night. I was trying to think why I was struggling so much with what it said. After thinking about it for a while, it was pretty obvious...I'm afraid to stand up for christ. I may say Im fighting for the unclean christ, but only in my own spiritual growth. I haven't done much to save another soul. I've been hit with a few instances where I could've shared the gospel, last night even. I was talking to a disbatcher of mine, we were outside alone talking about spirituality. Hes an ex(ish) catholic considering wiccan. I froze up. I didnt say anything about Jesus. This was the perfect time and I was worried about my own pride. I was worried that after I told him I believed in Jesus he would laugh at me, and not like me anymore.

I'm a fairly likeable person. I have lots of friends in lots of places, but Im sure most of them would be surprised to find out how much my life has changed in the past few months. But this is work, I have to see these people on a daily basis. Which in normal instance would be a great way to share the gospel. But Im to worried about my own pride and image to say anything. It heavies my heart to know that Jesus could have used me to lead that person to him. It makes me sad. Its all fun and good to talk about fighting for christ, but put it into action....I mean he flat out said the world will hate you. How can i shake the dust off my feet from work? The apostles could flee to the next town if the first didn't recieve the message. Am I suposed to quit my job then? Just go from job to job telling people about Jesus? I think that would last maybe about 6 months before I've exausted the list of fast food joints that would hire me.

Jesus even says [19] do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. [20]For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Talk about faith. I cant even trust that God will give me the words. I guess Im relying too much on myself to lead people to christ. Its not about how many stripes on your "saved soul" jacket sleeve you have, its about telling everybody about Jesus. Not just the people who come up to you and ask, everybody. The guy I work with, the girl who sells me my coffee at 711, my old friend from school....all of em. Thats a scary thought.

And if all that wasn't enough, Jesus says [26]So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Trust in God to give you the words, and don't be afraid. These apostles were going before kings, and government, and the religious leaders of the time. By Jesus saying have no fear its more like "dont worry if they try and kill you, or hurt you, or torture you, or outcast you." And I'm worried about what a friend from work will say?!? Granted he says we are valued by God, but then he says [32]So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, [33]but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Have I denied Christ by not saying anything to this guy? I mean, I said I was a spiritual person. Even the paegens are "spiritual people". I basically felt that I had to read up on wicca in order to prove its faults and disprove its spiritual truth. I felt like I had to prove that Jesus is better than wicca. But its not about me, and I held back anyway.

Don't think I'm beating myself up too much about this, Its just a good example to use for TONS of instances where I could have fought for christ, but instead played dead. This is an all or nothing decision. Up to this point, being a wishywashy christian is easy. After this poing begins the real journey. Its a 24/7 kinda thing. I'm not going to be able to take a saturday night off from being a christian and go party with the boys. This is it. Im scared as hell and have no idea where this is going to go. I think thats how the apostles felt as Jesus was saying this to them. I see all of their inner monologue saying, at the same time, something like this........ "Oh CRAP".