RUF spring retreat
So I just got back from Cape Cod last night and wow, it was an awesome trip. I came back last night feeling stretched and grown. It was certainly a lesson in patience between Jon and I. His body didn't really like being in the Cape and fought us the whole way. Its great though because every time one of us got really frustrated, the other would encourage and support. Jon and I have this interesting symbiotic friendship. Anyway, the weekend dealt a lot with character stuff. What motivates us to do things. It was really eye opening for me. I was thinking a lot about Jon and I and my motives behind helping out.
Now don't get me wrong, I feel blessed and humbled to be living with Jon. I find it awesome that this is my job. But I still feel like there is a little tiny bit of pride somewhere deep inside me that is screaming out for people to recognize the sacrifices that I make. Theres a part of me that wants people to see me and say "Wow, that guy is awesome for taking care of that quadriplegic kid." I hate this proud part of me. I don't want it. I want to do this because I feel like God is calling me to do it. I want to help Jon to glorify God, not myself.
In other news I had the amazing opportunity to ride with Joey to and from the Cape. We had great conversations both times and I'm really encouraged to get things stirred up in Middletown and on the Wesleyan Campus. I also came to the conclusion that I don't have to go to Wesleyan after Middlesex. I could go anywhere in the world for an education after community college. Thats a really encouraging thought for me. I'm giving some serious thought to checking out Uconn more specifically, but am also interesting in maybe going to school in the south. Theres a whole other culture in the south that I am completely unaware of. But who knows, maybe I will end up here at Wesleyan.
I had the great opportunity to pray for my friend Scott. God seemed to really be working in his life rearranging some things in his head. Scott may be a few years younger than me, but I have great respect for him and look up to his loyalty.
In the middle of this Christian Community it makes me want to go to a Christian school. I love being around Christians. But part of me was a little on edge. I think it might have to do with Valentine's Day coming up soon. I don't think I'm ready yet to get involved in a relationship right now, but its hard to not look around at all the attractive, intelligent, Christian girls at the retreat and think think "I'm not ready yet."
There are parts of my heart that are still looking for comfort in a person rather than in God. I want to love God with ALL my heart, with ALL my strength, with ALL my soul, and ALL my mind. I don't want to love God with whats left after I pour myself into a relationship. There is no remainder in the mathematics of love.
more to come on this soon, I want to ponder this a bit.
Now don't get me wrong, I feel blessed and humbled to be living with Jon. I find it awesome that this is my job. But I still feel like there is a little tiny bit of pride somewhere deep inside me that is screaming out for people to recognize the sacrifices that I make. Theres a part of me that wants people to see me and say "Wow, that guy is awesome for taking care of that quadriplegic kid." I hate this proud part of me. I don't want it. I want to do this because I feel like God is calling me to do it. I want to help Jon to glorify God, not myself.
In other news I had the amazing opportunity to ride with Joey to and from the Cape. We had great conversations both times and I'm really encouraged to get things stirred up in Middletown and on the Wesleyan Campus. I also came to the conclusion that I don't have to go to Wesleyan after Middlesex. I could go anywhere in the world for an education after community college. Thats a really encouraging thought for me. I'm giving some serious thought to checking out Uconn more specifically, but am also interesting in maybe going to school in the south. Theres a whole other culture in the south that I am completely unaware of. But who knows, maybe I will end up here at Wesleyan.
I had the great opportunity to pray for my friend Scott. God seemed to really be working in his life rearranging some things in his head. Scott may be a few years younger than me, but I have great respect for him and look up to his loyalty.
In the middle of this Christian Community it makes me want to go to a Christian school. I love being around Christians. But part of me was a little on edge. I think it might have to do with Valentine's Day coming up soon. I don't think I'm ready yet to get involved in a relationship right now, but its hard to not look around at all the attractive, intelligent, Christian girls at the retreat and think think "I'm not ready yet."
There are parts of my heart that are still looking for comfort in a person rather than in God. I want to love God with ALL my heart, with ALL my strength, with ALL my soul, and ALL my mind. I don't want to love God with whats left after I pour myself into a relationship. There is no remainder in the mathematics of love.
more to come on this soon, I want to ponder this a bit.
posted by Its not about Perfection, Its about Progress at 9:10 AM
1 Comments:
So basically, I can totally relate to that last paragraph. And you just put into words some things that I wasn't able to say, or have come out right, when I would try to say it... if that made sense...
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