post kansas stress syndrome
Haven't posted in here for nearly a month. Its 1:17 am, the past 3 hours have been ridiculously over complicated. I'm more frustrated now as I write this than I have been in a long time. In the past 3 hours I have found out my ipod is busted, tried and failed at rearranging the room only to give up and know that I dont have time to rearrange it again tomorrow, busted my knee on the stupid drawer, cant find anything, everythings a mess, and all i want to do is scream at the top of my lungs string after string of filthy profanity. WHY? will i be comforted after screaming obscenities? no, I'll feel worse. Jesus, i need you to comfort me right now. I feel terrible, sinful, hateful, useless, ignorant, no good, rotten, take my sin away from me now! I'm not done incubating Im not ready to hatch. I want to go back to Kansas, or Arkansas, or California, or anywhere but here. Humble me Lord, allow me to serve in love and kindness. Take the spotlight from me. You said you have called me from the shadows to the forefront, i need help. I cant do this on my own, I cant do this on my strength. HELP! My problems are so small but they get me so upset. God please heal my broken heart. Take the pain that has festered in me. it is black and has infected my soul. Remedy my illness Lord. Take my insecurity. It is a stumbling block for me. Take my pride, it is a wall for me. Take my talents and use them for your will. All that I have is yours. Everything I am is yours. I am desperate. Pull away my lies. Throw them into the fire.
I am empty. I have nothing left. Thats half way there. Half way to being full.
I am a hypocrite. The biggest one of all. Admitting all my lies is telling the truth.
I am no poet. I wish I were. But its an evil wish that only looks for self glorification.
Apart from you Lord, nothing I do is good.
I once was lost
but now am found
was blind
but now i see
I am empty. I have nothing left. Thats half way there. Half way to being full.
I am a hypocrite. The biggest one of all. Admitting all my lies is telling the truth.
I am no poet. I wish I were. But its an evil wish that only looks for self glorification.
Apart from you Lord, nothing I do is good.
I once was lost
but now am found
was blind
but now i see
posted by Its not about Perfection, Its about Progress at 1:14 AM
1 Comments:
oh my gosh...I loved your post. Everytime I go through something and think that I'm the only one out there who's a hypocrit, filled with guilt and knows my problems are small but why do they upset me so much! Thank you so much for that...I pray that whatever you're going through will work out as God always does that. And He always has a lesson for us in everything we go through. It's easy to forget that each time but it's better to hold on to Him through it all. God bless!!
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