done freaking out

So it took most of the evening and the day today for me to be done being upset. I wouldn't say I'm happy, I'm just no longer upset. I had no real reasons to be upset, that just made me more upset. My reactions to certain events where far out weighed. Kansas was amazing. Coming back to CT and seeing how much people take pride in being jerks aided in my upsetedness. I feel like last night was a big test for me, a big growing pain. I truly feel like I'm shedding off the terrible person I was, I used to be, and blooming into a man who lives for Christ. I want to approach things from a much more calm stance. I don't want to get all upset at the slightest mishap or bruised knee.

I think God allows us to go through that kind of stuff to remind us of grace.
Grace sounds great when you're the person on the receiving end but not so good when you're on the contributing end. Its too easy to become Pharisaical and point out everyones wrongs, but how do you love someone when you disagree with them? How do you help someone when you know they are going down a dark path? I know that when I went through my darkest years people would try and help me and i resented them for it. I don't want to upset people by offering the advice of experience, i want to help them!

So I assume the only thing to do is ignore the sin, love the sinner. That is hard. That means I have to ignore all the wrong things that people around me are doing. I want to point out there wrongs not so that I can feel righteous, but so that i can truly help them. So does that mean I am not to judge what is right and wrong for other people? I guess not. The Holy Spirit will convict them when they are ready. It is my job to love them. It is my job to serve them.

I was reflecting over an event that happened the other night, I have a friend who professes to be gay. This friend was over their partners house and needed a ride home. My friend couldn't find a ride home because no one agreed with their decision to be gay. So I gave my friend a ride home. Isn't that what Jesus would have done? Would Jesus have said, "no you shouldn't see them and you shouldn't be gay, and you shouldn't this or that?" The point is not that my friend is gay, the point is that my friend is going through a hard time and needs people to encourage them, not tell them how to live.

I get caught up a lot in terms of what is right and what is wrong. I understand that it says in the bible not to cause your brother to stumble, but if my brother doesn't tell me that hes stumbling, im not the one to determine that. God is a much better judge than I am.

Now I'm not about to go get drunk with all the freshman on campus because they don't consider it stumbling, but I'm going to do everything I can to help my gay friend. If that means giving them rides back and forth from their partners house than I only pray that God blesses our time together in the car that he might convict her of her decisions. Not that I might convict her of her decisions.

I have done terrible awful things in my life. If there is anyone who should be judged it is me. But it is by the grace of God that I am saved. I have gone through a dark past so that I might be a light to those in dark places.

You're never too far from God.
You're never too sinful for God.
You're never too disgusting for God.
You're never too dirty for God.
You're never too tainted for God.

take it from someone who's been there.
he loves you, even at your worst, more than you will ever know.