Bob Hazlett

A word while running tech at the school of power evangelism:
Bob Hazlett
7.18.09

I thank you for your son God I thank you for his strength and the generous that’s within him I thank you lord for the hard work that’s within him but I thank you God that he knows how to rest in your presence. I heard the lord say two things, Tommy, I heard the lord say it’s like a 3 year season of restoration that He’s been bringing you through and I hear the lord say you are moving from restoration to release of promises. God is going to begin to release some things in the area of business where you’ve been sowing this is a time for reaping Even some things you’ve done for other people and you’ve done along with other people I heard the Lord say this is time to launch out even on your own I saw like a LLC Father Son incorporated I feel like God is going to begin to incorporate some things in your life because it’s going to be a storehouse for which he is going to send you blessings. There’s going to be some connections that are going to come with churches throughout New England and even outside this area. There’s going to be sound needs and things like that that are going to take place I feel like there are even some connections even down into Tennessee into Nashville where you are going to be involved in doing some things not just with the music industry but specifically sound. And there are some big events you'll be called into with and I feel like to there is a connection coming with the CALL movement and I don’t know if you know anybody in that movement but I keep seeing Lue Engle and I keep seeing the stadiums going and I hear the lord saying there is a bigger call on your life than you know right now and I know they had a call down in Nashville and that was a big deal but I feel like there is a call that is coming to you even that’s going to connect with the call that’s coming out of Nashville and that God is going to begin to connect your heart not with just the sound but with the sound of the Lord, with the sound of the Lord, with the sound of the Lord that’s coming out of that place.

I also feel like there’s been some things spoken over your life and you say but God how can that happen? when will that happen and I hear god say I'll take care of the how, but now is the when this is the when, I'm going to begin to release some things into your life I will begin to release some anointing even in your life. But one of things I saw you was you start really connecting with people you’ve been behind the scenes with this thing this week and I heard the lord say you haven’t been behind the scenes you’ve been in the mix of things you’ve even been part of the leadership team and there’s an anointing and a transparence that’s even been taking place in your life and you are going to see a great increase in two areas you’re going to see a great increase in the prophetic, for words of knowledge for healing that are going to take place just real accuracy that’s going to take place in people’s lives and then you’re going to have a gift of faith and boldness and I saw you with 2 other people and I saw you start going to places where even after church would happen you just wanted to stay up all night so you went and closed down the bars, and then you went with the bar crowd to Denny's and you began to evangelize in Denny's and you would pull all nighters in the spirit and you would have so much supernatural energy that you just wanted to keep going and going and going because it’s a time of release

I also feel like God wants you to know that He’s trained you in untraditional ways and there’s some ways that you’ve feel like you should go to this training thing or this seminar and I heard God say I’ve even kept you away from those things because I don’t want you to just get trained by a book, but I wanted to train you by my spirit and Gods going to begin to train you even in some things in the spirit in a new way in this new radical faith that’s raising up inside you and I saw you even getting raised up, I feel like there’s a missions calling that’s coming on your life and an opportunity to go to on a missions trip I saw like Mexico and down and even Central America that God’s going to begin to open doors for you to begin to run through the nations with a group of people short terms missions trips

and there’s also going to be a flexibility that gods going to build into your schedule. God has said many things have you tried to do for work that seemed like it just didn’t have a long term plan. God said don’t you worry about the long term plan, you just worry about today, you just worry about what you and I are doing today because God put together a long term plan for you. And Gods going to give you a work schedule that’s going to be flexible so you can do the things for god that you want to do and the things WITH God that you want to do because this is going to be a season of time where you’re going to do things with your Heavenly Father, this is going to be Father and son time. God says you don’t have to do things for me, just do things with me

God wants to honor your faithfulness to the house and the things that your called to do and God wants you to know that you can still do the things that your called to do and be faithful to what gods called you to do here and there’s some things that God is going to be taking you outside the house to do and it’s not either or, it’s both and. you don’t have to make a choice. There’s going to be a season of time where God is going to take you away for a season of training but a season of preparation and its going to be to come back and to release the things that Gods going to pour into your life because God wants to pour into a greater level and a greater measure that he’s doing inside you.

There’s a rumor of God that’s going to begin to move in the age group not the youth, but just beyond the youth area where there’s like a gap of people, it’s like the scattered sheep that have been in the church for a while there scattered all around and I hear the Lord say Just like I left the 99 to go after you, you’re going to be one that’s going to gather the scattered sheep, to go after the scattered sheep and there’s even been some that you’ve grew up with in the faith but they walked away from the faith, you’re going to help to restore them to the faith because this is going to be a year for the scattered sheep to be brought together because God is going to send you with a Sheppard’s heart to go after those that have been lost.

I hear you ask the question " what about those I am called to with, those that are called to walk with me" I hear God say I created you in my image and likeness and it’s not good for man to dwell alone and Gods going to begin to put connections and relationships in your life that have the heart to go after God the way you have a heart to go after God Because he’s got your whole heart now and now he can begin to connect those with like heart and like faith and like mind to you.

Thank you lord that your teaching him how to be a son and you’re going to begin to release him to even be a spiritual father. teach him how to be a father because you are a good father Lord you’re going to teach him to be a father to a generation so Lord we bless him in Jesus name we thank you for the increase and the release of the gifts we thank you for the increase and the release of the boldness now God we say it is time. It’s time for the release of your promises.

Search my blog for "David Wagner" to see the word I got 3 years ago that started this whole thing

ugh

It is so much easier to commit to doing something than it is to commit to not do something. There is satisfaction out of doing, it can be seen, it can be felt, it can be enjoyed by others. Not doing something is almost always internal. Not litting up the cigarette, not going for another drink, not going to that website...these things are so much more difficult. Especially when viewed by the rest of the world. Why abstain? Our abstinance is one of the things that sets us apart from the rest of the world. When I find someone who doesn't swear- at all -my first conclusion is: christain. So what does that mean when someone who abstains, splurges? It means we are all Human. Not to justify anyones actions, but we all make mistakes. As I type these words my heart is heavy. Out of everyone in the World and God himself in the Heavens, I point the finger at myself and condem myself the most.

Jesus forgive me. I am a sinner.

Ethics

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of reading lately and I'm pretty sure I'm redefining what I once thought of ethics. To start, we have to understand the causality of the universe. From every action there is a reaction. This boils down from the most complex to the simplest of actions. Drop a rock, it falls.

We have developed physical laws that explain how some of these things happen, but for my purpose its more important to notice that it happens. Most of science tries to tie the cause to effect or the effect to the cause -which is how we end up with these laws- but there are plenty of causes to which we might not see the immediate effects. Don't brush your teeth for a year and you will develop cavities. I don't need to know the science of cavities to understand I will have them if I don't brush my teeth.

There are many people that have a hard time connecting the cause to the effect in life. More frequently, I think we have a harder time taking ownership of the effects in which we cause. Working at two separate mental institutions I've seen much of this. In many instances these patients just need to learn to take responsibility for their actions -connecting the effect to the cause. You don't need to go through the mental health system; however, to have a hard time doing this.

Children spend most of their development learning cause and effect, put your hand in the fire, you get burned. It takes some of us longer to get these ideas down than others but ultimately we can learn to view all our actions in such a way that clarifies the effects of those actions.

Now lets take this a step further and say there are not only physical laws that we are bound by, but spiritual laws as well. I'm not going to claim to know much of these laws but I will say that I have certainly experienced the effects of them. My walk with Christ has waxed or waned with the increase or decrease in prayer, reading my Bible, tithing, etc. The more I flat out sin, the more I feel it pull my heart.

It can be very easy for us to live our Christian lives according to the laws we have read about and studied. We know the Absolute Truth and do everything we can to stay within this circle of righteousness. I know this path all too well.

I have spent a good portion of my Christian walk studying right from wrong, how to live according to Christ, where the boundaries of this circle of righteousness fall and in the end I've come up lacking. For me it became much more about my being right, or someone else being wrong that I allowed righteousness to be my god. I focused too much on who was in the circle and who was out of the circle. I spent a long time learning the rights and wrongs of God instead of entering into a relationship with God, instead of entering into relationship with people.

I saw many of my relationships with people become increasingly important based on how right I was, the actual relationship with that person didn't matter very much.

Sounds a lot like those Biblical folks who studied the laws, and considered themselves highly religious people...Pharisees.

The way I see it, right and wrong are not as important as I've made them out to be. Instead of focusing on the line that separates black from white, I needed to focus on the center. Jesus is my center, with him being my focus that circle of righteousness doesn't matter very much.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this as a means to justify anything I feel. This is not to say that stealing, lying or cheating aren't bad. With Jesus as the center my focus on life is to live a life a close to that of Christ's as I can. Jesus wouldn't steal, or lie, or cheat so naturally it wouldn't be difficult to avoid those things for him -which is how I now am striving to live.

That being said, as soon as we start to focus on the center Jesus moves that center closer to us. And while we operate under these laws of absolute truth in the physical and the spiritual, the Christian life life is lived out relative to each person and their walk with Christ.

It is not either Absolute Truth or Relativity, its both-and.


Yes, we are still responsible for the effects that we cause, but Christ is there to offer us the grace to learn to live life more like him. Christ brings the center closer to us the more we focus on him.

Because of this my relationship with Christ matters so much more than following the laws of righteousness. Similarly, my relationships with my friends truly turned into loving relationships where I care and desire to grow the relationship not because I'm right or they are wrong, but because I love them. Even people I don't know I care so much more for now than ever. I care so much more about the person, and so little about the drug habit, the sexual orientation, the foul language, or whatever other baggage they carry.

I think that's how Jesus wants us all to live.

Back in CT

Well here we are again, back in CT. The biggest diference is that I'm not living with my folks. I think this is going to be a good year. Lots of great things are on the horizon. I'm living with 2 great girls in New Britain and have a good job still with Geek Squad.

Moved in about 5 das ago and have had the place packed full of people every day since. Good times had by all. I think its going to be good for me living here and not living with my folks. No offense to my folks, they are great people. But living in their house is exactly that, THEIR house, not mine. No matter how much they are inviting its not my space, its theirs.

Being in my own space has a ton of advantages: community groups, hangin out, getting into it. The atmosphere is all right here. I like that.

I think its going to work out well


I just deleted a whole section of this blog regarding elyse. maybe its better that I email her directly instead of posting it here.

Full Circle

So it appears that I'll be moving back to CT. A month ago that thought would have never crossed my mind. Circumstances have proven to change my mind. The plan as of today is to move to CT, move in with Grandpa, transfer my job to ct in some form or another, see the doctors down there.

I do have to admit the thought of being back in my studio is a bit exciting. I built that studio a year ago now and I only used it minimally. Now it has grown quite substantially and there is a ton of oppertunity there. To get back into recording on a more intentional scale is certainly appealing.

On another note, I do miss the community we had built at grace house. I miss the unexpected visitors, the regulars, all of it. Being here in Mattapan, so far removed from everyone is a bit discouraging. I remember thinking I can't wait to get out of grace house, now I wish I was still there.

Its funny how I seem to take advantage of the things I have in front of me. I never know if this is as good as it gets. Maybe there are hard times, but its good to reflect on all the amazing times we had there. All the amazing people that came through those doors.

Looking back, it was an incredible year. I learned so much. More than school could have tought me. A year ago today...

look at the entry, as close to it, a year ago today.

hanging in there

So after physical therapy today, my therapist was advising me to find a new career. He took me out of work for the week so I can rest up. I told my boss all this and he has put me on medical leave of absence for the time being.

I was talking with Beth a lot about all this. For some reason after talking to her I just felt so much better.

Even though I feel like I'm going through this whole thing a second time, there is so much that can suck. Its just all about getting up in the morning, putting the past behind you and doing your best in that moment, in that day. Its a hard situation to be in.

I think this next week off is going to really put me in a good position. For the past week I've just been locking myself in a cave, watching movies. I'm excited to get away for a little bit, get out of the house, be productive....in a non physical sort of way.

I'm wondering if it makes more sense for me to just find another job, or stay with Best Buy.

I will not allow myself to get sucked into my own victimization.
I will not allow myself to feel abandoned.
I will not allow myself to wallow in misery.

This is not the end, nor is it the beginning, this is just another step, stop taking it like its the end of the world. You aren't that extreme person you used to be, act like yourself. You're not your friends, you're not your family, you're not your job.

Humble?

The hardest part about humility is getting over the appearance of weakness. After that, humility comes easily. As soon as thoughts about "my rights" or "my pride" or "my worth" start coming into the equation things get all muddied up. To assume I have to rights, to assume I have no pride, to assume I have no value all sounds weak willed. Where is the character in that? Or maybe I'm still just placing too much of my value in other people's hands. Do I find myself valuable? Do I think I have anything to be proud of? Do I create anything worth while?

who's the real victim

I've said in the past that I set myself up for disaster. I think its because I know how to play the victim so well. In fact, I think I prefer to play the victim. I know how to victimize myself at the expense of someone else....the crazy thing is, I'll go to just about any length to accomplish this. I don't know where this comes from, but I think its something rather deep seeded. Looking at my current situation I could find it easy to victimize myself, alter a story here, stretch the truth there, and I could pull those heart strings to get just about anything I want. Somewhere along the path I've learned to play up disaster. And in the process I've become a liar and an arrogant asshole. 

My right hand was crushed in a hydraulic lift almost 3 years ago....but I changed the story to everyone I know. In the true version of that story I actually told my boss to lift the gate. He didn't come out of no where and lift it. He was standing right next to me when the whole thing happened. It just makes for a better story...pull those heart strings a little tighter. 

I think somewhere inside me its giving me "life experience points". For some reason I think I get more points being the victim. Granted, when you tell that story the way it really happened, I sound like a moron, and my boss was just doing what I told him to. 

How many of my stories are like that?

How much do I base who I am off of who I've been?

Why do I have this insane urge to victimize myself at the expense of the closest people to me?

Why do I push so hard?

Is it a bad thing that I adapt quickly to my surroundings? Am I still just looking out for my own neck, or do I really care about people around me?

I want to....

But is that a desire based off of what I think is a "virtue" or is that an honest passionate desire?

What do I really want for myself?

Am I asking these kind of questions too late in the game or too early? Does it all even matter right now? Does any of this make any difference? Or does it all count after 30?

hmmm....long pause

Then again I remember saying I can find happiness in just about any situation. I guess this is the clincher. Not that my world is falling apart around me or anything that dramatic, but it is a time of change. There are ups and there are downs and sometimes we have to take the bad with the good, and its not what you take that matters as much as how you take it.

I am Arrogant

Even saying it. I am arrogant, has a twinge of arrogance in it. I am sure that I am right in nearly every situation. This is a problem. I genuinely feel like I am right during a debate, regardless of the information the opponent presents. If they don't agree with me they don't have the mental capacity to understand what I'm talking about...which still makes me right.

I consider myself an extremely intelligent person. If you were to ask me, I'd play it off modestly but I'd already think myself smarter than you just because you asked. If for some reason something might be over my head, I will disregard the topic completely stating that if I don't know it then its not worth knowing;or, I will accuse the presenter for not relaying information effectively enough for anyone to understand it. Either way, I'm still right.

I secretly use spell check but will think less of someone for misspelling.

Even Christianity positioned itself as the right religion in my mind. I could study it and find all the right ways to live, then judge people who couldn't. I can argue Christianity, it makes sense to me, I've read the books, I know the rhetoric, I can be apologetic, but I have taken very little of it to heart.

I have a seperate desire to make the world a better place, I'm sure its the right thing to do. This desire really wants to help people in big ways...dig wells in africa, feed the hungry in india, save the sex slaves, free the farmers, save the polar bears....I just don't know how to align that with Christianity.

I have this strong ambition to do what is right, but its all for the wrong reasons.
This is my confession
This is my heart
I'm sorry

Perpetual Preparation

How long would you wait for something? One year? Two? A lifetime?

There are some times when I feel like I've been preparing all my life for something else to happen. As you may have read earlier in the blog I have had some rather extreme tendencies about my personality that makes it difficult for me to focus on "right now". But really, I'm not even sure what it is that I'm preparing for. 

I'm at this point in my life where I could do just about anything. I've got a good job, and I could transfer to any state in the union. There isn't much I can't fix or figure out, I love learning, I love experiencing new things. So what do I do with all these years?

There's something I don't understand about the education structure here in the states. Do we only offer decent educations to people with decent economic backgrounds to pay for them? Sure I did the work full time/community college full time, but how many people can keep that up over 2 years? 4 years? 

I've been thinking a lot lately about seminary, and there is basically no way I can afford to go unless I get paid to go to grad school. I-who has no undergrad- am on the last rung of that ladder. Now hold on a minute, you may say. Schools offer full rides all the time, you should just apply and give it a shot....

Keep in mind, I probably will at least apply and see who I can speak to about financial aid, but schools don't seem to offer pity scholarships. Schools make smart investing scholarships. They will invest the full ride in someone who has the potential to become something great and give back that money. 

Even if I did get a full ride and could afford to pay that money back, I'd spend it elsewhere. The Education system has far to much money for a system that should be continuously socialized from grade 1 to post grad. I'd spend that money in developing countries who have no clean water, people who have no food.... babies who have no clothes. 

-steps off soap box-

Really though. I made a good amount of bad decisions from the time I was 18 to 21. I came back to CT before I turned 22. I'm still paying for those mistakes. I still am paying off credit cards and student loans. Three years of decisions is going to cost how many years of payment? I'm 24 now and I still won't have it all payed off in the next 5 years, save divine intervention. 

The weight of debt can be so draining.

I'm done complaining now, back to the what should I do next thing....

So like I said, I could do anything, seminary, move to california, get a recording studio started again, go back to school and learn micro economic development in 3rd world countries, YWAM DTS.....and I'm starting to get a little freaked out by all those decisions. 

One thing has changed lately. I might still get freaked out, but at least I'm not rushing to jump to irrational conclusions about who I will now be that I'm not, or what I will now do that I shouldn't. And thats a bit of relief.