Once Upon a Prayer

Today was one of those really studios days where I feel like I've been a sponge just soaking up information all day. I LOVE IT. My classes are great but I'm still getting acclimated to the idea of learning in a classroom. I haven't had this kind of formal long term education in a while.

I read this book today called "Once Upon a Prayer" by David Manuel and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a better prayer life. His ideas are simple but fundamental in developing a growing walk with Christ.

I've been reading a lot about prayer lately. I'm still in the later half of Philip Yancey's "Prayer, Does it Make a Difference?" Its a great read and I keep finding a reoccurring theme in all this literature.
Wait. Listen. Be Still.
I find it so easy to fill up the day with things from school, or taking care of Jon that time flies and all of a sudden its midnight. We are trying to make it a practice to pray at night before we go to bed, those prayers seem so formal. Granted I mean every prayer that I've prayed, it just seems to fall on the ears of a distant god. When I am still, and listen, and wait...that seems to be when I get a glimpse of his heart. That feels more like praying to a God that lives in me.

One of the greatest things I've heard from all of my professors came from my history professor one the first day of class. He believed that what is wrong with society today is that people lose control of their attention too easily. To be able to focus and say I will only pay attention to this until I understand it -and really follow through- is rare.

I agree with that so much. I've been taking strides in only granting my attention to certain things at certain times. Its not easy, but there is so much to get done and I have to allow time for God in that busy schedule.

Until next time
Vaya con dios

English Paper

So I got my first essay assignment for my English class. What does home mean to you? Ugh, thats a hard one to start out the semester with. I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out what to write. I wanted at first to say something about my parent's house and how I don't really feel like I have a home or belong to one. But then I think about being even more transparent and writing about a home that wasn't ever a safe place. I thought about writing about how every day I felt like I had to walk on eggshells at home and that home meant stress, dis-ease, pain, or fear. I think I might go that route, but man thats dark and its not something I think about much anymore. I don't have the same feelings I used to about home. I've grown a lot since then, but theres still stuff that I struggle with. we'll see....

Weslyan

Wow, it has been a fast, nonstop week and a half. I moved in with Jon on Saturday and Wednesday was my first opportunity to sit and relax for a minute. We've finally got our room situated and things are starting to roll. We have just about gotten into a groove with our schedules, all that should be worked out by next week.

I love it here. I'm so excited to be back in school. My classes are great. I forgotten a ton of math. I used to be a math genius...I really think this is trial of humility, I went in to Middlesex thinking everything would be a breeze and I wouldn't have to study that much. My precalc stuff is HARD. Its taking everything I have to remember this stuff. So I sucked it up and went to get a form to apply for a tutor, just in case. I know I can do it if I put the work into it. After all, college isn't about how much you know, its about how hard you're willing to work.

Aside from that my History class is awesome, the professor is lively and he cares about what hes teaching. Its Western Civ 2 and I'm really excited. My english class looks like its gonna be a lot of writing, which I don't mind, but she wants us to be spell, and be grammatically correct and things like that. My music class is a sinch. We started out with, "This is a staff, and these are notes". My music professor literally said "I don't want you guys studying for this class".

Aside from that I met with the Christian IV leader here, Greg. Weslyan seems to be a very interesting place. I'm eager to dive into the communities and become a part of whats going on here.

I pray that God gives me the strength, patience, and love to relay his message of salvation.

1.17.7

Birthday today.
Can't Sleep.
Birthday's almost over.
Its been an amazing past 5 weeks. I really want to start a paper journal so that I can write down the day to day stuff thats been happening. I was feeling really down a few days ago because I didn't know where I was going to find the money to go to school. I thought it would be in the settlement, but the lawyer told me it wouldn't be in until the end of January. So I sold a piece of gear on ebay, it sold but that money isn't going to come for another week. I was every time I thought I had it solved, something else came up. I was so upset I couldn't talk to anyone, couldn't even watch TV. So I took a nap hopping to feel better afterwards.

To my annoyance I was woken up by my cell phone ringing. The voice on the other end sounded cheerful, so I tried to force out a happy tone. "Tommy, we want to give you five hundred dollars tomorrow, is that ok?" Uhhhhh....yeah. That was going to be the exact amount I needed to register for classes. So the next day I go and had a session with dave and afterwards picked up the money and went straight to school.

So I get to Middlesex to register. Theres a slight wait in the hall way, no chairs. My knees where shaking a little bit from pain and a little bit from excitement. I finally make it into this tiny room with a counter and a thick piece of glass that separates us from them. There was some girl next to me who was on her cell phone getting really annoyed with her teller. I hoped I didn't get that teller when she was done.

To my relief I got a man who instead of conducting business through a tiny hole in the glass decided to come out from behind the door and talk to me. I handed him the appropriate materials and asked if I could be put on a payment plan. "Heres the thing with the payment plan", he said to me with his stale breath, "Its already begun, so your gonna owe 2 payments, and the third is gonna be on monday." As in Monday in 6 days, the third installment is due. I pondered for a moment as to how i was going to come up with an extra $350 for January's payment and immediately concluded to just go with the flow. So I agreed to the stale-breath-man's terms and walked out a registered student with schedule in hand.

My sister had made arrangements that day to buy her books so we met after I registered and she was excited to exclaim that the government had given her more money than she needed for classes and books. She was very eager to show me her brand new pink backpack. Now up until this point I had just assumed that I was not going to have books this semester. I just assumed I would get them later, or that I would borrow someones, or something to that effect. She had agreed to put the rest of the governments money towards my books. So I stand in line and this short winded man takes my schedule and runs up and down this little hall collecting my books. Six books in all weighed about 50 pounds. We get up to the register and Susie proceeds to inform the cashier of our situation and after a minute or two my books go from $350 to $105. So I reached in my wallet and to my surprise there $120, just enough to cover the books and buy my sister lunch.

I had forgotten that that week i had sold a crappy laptop on craigslist. Talk about walking in faith. I went to Middlesex unsure of what was going to happen, I walked out registered with books. God is good!

And if that weren't enough...I get home that night and realize my phone had been on vibrate and i missed a few calls. Check my voice mails and my lawyer had called. "Hey Tom, got a check here for you, I'll see you tomorrow." The settlement check was in.

The next day (birthday) I made my way to naugatuck to pick up the check and deposited it asap. It will clear in 2 days, plenty of time for monday when the installment for school is due.

This is the beginning of a new life for me.

Knee Surgery

So I went in for my knee surgery on friday. Everything went well, no complications. Saturday morning was the hardest. By that time the drugs had entirely worn off and I didn't sleep very well. But soon enough I had pumped more percs in and I was ready to take on the world once again. Last night was much easier, I woke up a lot, but could fall back asleep easily.

In other news, the conference in New Jersey went very well. Learned a lot about family structure and was able to let go of a bunch of crap that I was holding on to.

Ugh, I'm frustrated with school though. I just don't know what else to do. I just pray that God wants me at middlesex.

1.1.7

happy new year