experience

So got into a rather long conversation the other day with a few fellow believers about very basic things like right and wrong, good and bad, that kind of stuff. The point that I had generally come to throughout my life was that in order for me to have a solid opinion about a certain subject i had to experience that subject. So like tattoos, in order for me to understand what its like to have a tattoo, i feel like i need to get a tattoo. Back in the day, the same standard was held with drugs, to know what its like to get high, might as well try it out, I won't be able to form a valid opinion about it if i never try it. Now I say VALID opinion because I can still form an opinion about doing drugs, but the people who have actually been on drugs know more about it than I would have. Hence, there opinion is more valid. Take war for example, I don't agree with the war in Iraq but an actual war vet could come up with a more valid opinion about the war, they've been to iraq, seen the conditions, know what they've experienced, their opinion is more valid than mine because I've never been there.

So heres the problem with this way of thinking. This safeguards me from any type of criticisms or disagreement because ultimately even if someone disagreed with my point, they couldn't disagree that I had this experience. So now i didn't have to form opinions about anything I hadn't tried. I could just say, I can't give a good statement about this or that because I've never done it. That way no one could ever disagree with me. Why run from disagreement? Because in my crazy head disagreement means they don't like me, disagreement means they're not listening to me, disagreement means they don't understand me. This also turns me into kind of a boring person because there is no way that I could ever experience everything I want to have an opinion about.

Having an opinion about something is really, this is what I think, look inside, come see who I am. Having an opinion about something is vulnerable. It is more than vulnerable, it is saying this is unjustifiably what I think. This is me. Now my problem with this for so long was that there really was no me. I never really cared about whatever was going on around me, I only wanted to hang out with friends. I never cared about what we did, who came with, or any of that, I just cared about being a part of a community. This has been reflected all throughout my life. Every job I've ever had, every ambition I've ever had have not been because I wanted to do them, its been because some one one time said, "hey tommy, you'd be good at sound, ever think about getting into it?"Yeah, 8 years later I still think about getting into it, even when I'm on the other side of it.

Part 2. Keeping this type of thinking, the experience thing, allows me to live my life with no perspective, and with no standard. So I could hang out with the beer drinkers and hell raisers in the bar, and as long as I was accepted, I didn't care what kind of people they were. Or I could hang out with a bunch of pot heads, and not mind that we were breaking the law. But thats no way to live. The unfortunate part about this is that with no standard, no real goals can be set or established. What ambition is there for life? Why not just sit around all day and smoke pot if your doing it with 2 of your closest friends? What else could you ask for right? NO. There is so much more to life.

I'm only recently scratching the surface of this whole issue. But one question that was raised to me was, what are 5 things that you want to do before you die? I took the question seriously and though about it for a long long time, even today I've been thinking and rethinking it. I've never had the opportunity to think for myself what I want to do. But heres what I got so far:
5 things to do before I die

Save at least one persons life- I want to be the direct cause of saving someones life where had I not done what I had done, that person would have died. I'd like to do this at least once, but am open to the idea of multiple occurrences.

Build hospitals and orphanages in 3rd world, or needy countries- There are still so many places in the world where terrible things happen. If I can be the antithesis of terrible things, I would think that building hospitals and orphanages are a part of it.

Compose a symphony- I wanna write music that moves

Write at least one book- I feel like I have a lot to say

Build a machine that produces free energy- I hate global warming, I hate fossil fuels, and I hate all the politics associated with all the above.

This is who I am
Vulnerably Terrified,
me