Some time to sit and think
So its been an awfully crazy past few weeks/months. The job at the Geek Squad keeps me busy and constantly teetering on that ledge that divides sanity in the real world and insanity in the retail world. In the midst of recently moving into my new house with 4 amazing people, holding down said job, and thinking about school I've been thinking a lot about who I am.
I kinda struggle with this often, who am I...what makes me happy...what motivates me....so on. I think I'm coming to the realization that everyone has a desire to be someone else. To some, this might seem elementary. But really, even the people who seem like they have it all together, really are trying to be like someone else. I look back through my life and can see clearly who the people were in my life that I used to strive to be like.
But now in Boston, theres not someone to impress with how like them I am becoming. I used to think that I would strive to be like Christ. At least in the past year or so...but it wasn't Christ I was striving to be like. I used to strive to be like the people who would strive to be like Christ, not to be like Christ himself.
This is an interesting realization for me. It kinda shows me how much the opinion of other people meant to me. Now that they aren't here, its like...all I have to look to is Christ...and thats a little strange for me. All of a sudden my hard work seems to matter a little less, not because it has any less value, but because its not based on works. If Christ loves outside of works then I dont have to work so hard at trying to impress him.
Its almost as if Christ wants me to be like him by being myself. This can get hairy, I know. But what I mean is that Christ doesn't want me to be like my old youth pastor, or my old mentor, or a pastor, or a roommate, but myself. He wants me to love him, not him that I see in other people.
And
I'm not sure I've ever done that before.
And
Its kinda exciting.
And
I think I'm learning who it is that I am, that Christ wants me to be, so that I can be more like him.
And
Its kinda exciting.
:D
I kinda struggle with this often, who am I...what makes me happy...what motivates me....so on. I think I'm coming to the realization that everyone has a desire to be someone else. To some, this might seem elementary. But really, even the people who seem like they have it all together, really are trying to be like someone else. I look back through my life and can see clearly who the people were in my life that I used to strive to be like.
But now in Boston, theres not someone to impress with how like them I am becoming. I used to think that I would strive to be like Christ. At least in the past year or so...but it wasn't Christ I was striving to be like. I used to strive to be like the people who would strive to be like Christ, not to be like Christ himself.
This is an interesting realization for me. It kinda shows me how much the opinion of other people meant to me. Now that they aren't here, its like...all I have to look to is Christ...and thats a little strange for me. All of a sudden my hard work seems to matter a little less, not because it has any less value, but because its not based on works. If Christ loves outside of works then I dont have to work so hard at trying to impress him.
Its almost as if Christ wants me to be like him by being myself. This can get hairy, I know. But what I mean is that Christ doesn't want me to be like my old youth pastor, or my old mentor, or a pastor, or a roommate, but myself. He wants me to love him, not him that I see in other people.
And
I'm not sure I've ever done that before.
And
Its kinda exciting.
And
I think I'm learning who it is that I am, that Christ wants me to be, so that I can be more like him.
And
Its kinda exciting.
:D
posted by Its not about Perfection, Its about Progress at 1:12 AM
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