I hate being sick
sick, ugh...can't breath, head hurts, stuffy nose....whole 9. Guys are such babies when we get sick, all I wanted to do today was sleep. Interesting past few days though. I went to the doctor on friday only to learn that my mri results where sent to the wrong doctor. That was after the 2 hour wait just to see the doctor. He began reading the mri results..."no torn ligaments or tendons, meniscus looks good...but...your knee caps are being pulled off to the sides of your legs." Basically requires surgery but before i could get much more information out of him him promptly stated that I wasn't his patient and that my doctor should have this talk with me. So I now find out wednesday whats going on.
In other random news, I got together with an old ex girlfriend from about 2 years ago. Things ended on a sour note back then and we got together for some closure. Its amazing to see the amount of growth that has happened in me in 2 years. I couldn't believe how selfish and self centered I used to be. I had basically lied to myself for so long to justify every terrible thing I had ever done to people...and there are a bunch. Not only so, but that I had lied to myself about the people I had hurt turning them from good people to terrible people deserving of bad things.
I realized that I have been telling the story of how things ended between her and I incorrectly now for 2 years. I had taken terrible things that I had done to her, and our roommates and turned them around so that they were villain and I was victim. These falsities had become so solid in my head that I couldn't remember what really happened 2 years ago.
It kind of scares me to think that I did that on a regular basis. How many people have I hurt in the past? How many people have I manipulated? Its a long list. I feel the need to go back and right those wrongs. Even if all I can do is a phone call, I feel like I owe it to these people.
Its somewhat of a sobering experience to see the difference in me now. I'm certainly not perfect, but I don't think I would have survived much longer living the way I was.
I don't see any other answer to this question. God was the only thing that turned my life around. Nothing else would have had me realize so gently my mistakes. There is no other way. I've tried most of them. And that is where I can find comfort. In 2 years Christ gave me a new life. A new way to think. What will happen in 5? in 10? in 20?
God only knows.
In other random news, I got together with an old ex girlfriend from about 2 years ago. Things ended on a sour note back then and we got together for some closure. Its amazing to see the amount of growth that has happened in me in 2 years. I couldn't believe how selfish and self centered I used to be. I had basically lied to myself for so long to justify every terrible thing I had ever done to people...and there are a bunch. Not only so, but that I had lied to myself about the people I had hurt turning them from good people to terrible people deserving of bad things.
I realized that I have been telling the story of how things ended between her and I incorrectly now for 2 years. I had taken terrible things that I had done to her, and our roommates and turned them around so that they were villain and I was victim. These falsities had become so solid in my head that I couldn't remember what really happened 2 years ago.
It kind of scares me to think that I did that on a regular basis. How many people have I hurt in the past? How many people have I manipulated? Its a long list. I feel the need to go back and right those wrongs. Even if all I can do is a phone call, I feel like I owe it to these people.
Its somewhat of a sobering experience to see the difference in me now. I'm certainly not perfect, but I don't think I would have survived much longer living the way I was.
I don't see any other answer to this question. God was the only thing that turned my life around. Nothing else would have had me realize so gently my mistakes. There is no other way. I've tried most of them. And that is where I can find comfort. In 2 years Christ gave me a new life. A new way to think. What will happen in 5? in 10? in 20?
God only knows.
posted by Its not about Perfection, Its about Progress at 10:41 PM
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