compliment

So Jon and I had a crazy weekend, we laughed , we cried, we laughed some more. In the midst of driving oh, 700 miles or so, we talked all- or at least, a great majority of- the time. The last night on the way home from Boston we had the most to talk about. Hanging out with the Boston Girls was amazing. I get so excited when I'm around passionate people, when I'm around passionate Christians I get super excited. Anyway, back to the drive, one of the things that was brought up in conversation is the fact that people, at least in the North East, hardly ever compliment each other. Sure its easy to say "I love you" but in the same breathe to say "I love you" and "I love lamp", the "I love you" kind of looses its value. But to compliment someone, that takes actual effort. In order for me to compliment you on something, I first have to put aside all of your short comings. Then I have to look for something you do well, and tell you that I noticed that you do that particular thing well. The problem I have is getting over that first part, I have a hard time putting aside other peoples short comings. Its much easier for me to point out all of the things you do wrong than for me to point out the things you do right.

There was this phrase hanging on the wall of a shipping and receiving building at a psych hospital I used to work at. The phrase read something like "No ones looking when I'm busting my ass all day, but as soon as I mess up everyone is there to notice." Its so true. No one sees the work behind the scenes. When we mess up its obvious, we've almost been trained to point out all of life's screw ups. Why? Because if that person knows they did something wrong, then they can take the appropriate steps to not do it again in the future. Thats crap. I think a boss of mine one time told me that. I know when I screw up!!! Everyone knows when they have a short coming!! Unless you grew up in the woods raised by wolves (sorry oaks) you know when you have done something wrong.

But most jobs, and most people are designed so that when the system works, and everyone is doing a good job, then things get done, and thats encouragement enough. But its not enough. Its rare to find encouragement in "the real world". People are just as awkward about giving it as they are receiving it. Some people have the hardest time telling people they have done a good job. These people have been trained for years to point out all the wrongs and offer superficial advise as to why you are less of a person than they are. You probably have had a boss like this at least once. If not then you know someone who has, or maybe is.

Then when someone sends out a compliment its like people don't know how to react. it feels good inside, but do I let them know that made me feel good? Do I open up and let them in? No no this is work. Work is no place for feelings. Most people try and brush off a compliment, "oh it was nothing", or "no trouble at all" when they stayed awake for 3 nights in a row preparing it. We are so ready for the criticism that when we receive compliments it catches us so much off guard we are trying to refute the compliment.

So what to do then?

I suggest this...
Everyday
For the rest of your life
Compliment at least one person

There are no technicalities here. A compliment, in case we have forgotten how to give one, could be something as small as "I like what you have done with your hair today" or "You did a great job with that paper" or "Your eyes captivate my heart, every time I look at you I rush to the edge of the universe only come right back and do it again."